marriage.matthewthornton.info

When people first start dating, and then become engaged, I don’t know if a lot of them think about some of the details of married life. Sure, some of them do, but not all of them. I’m not an old pro yet (I’m hoping I will be by my late 90’s though!), but I have some topics that I think couples should really think about that maybe hadn’t come up before.
A lot of these also relate to living together as well.

Topic 1: Bedtime
As it turns out, Matt is more of a night person and I’m a morning person. Shouldn’t make a whole lot of difference, right? Riiight… When I’m ready for bed, he’s ready to start a movie. When we first started living together, we’d go back at the same time and he’d sit in bed and read. For the most part, this is not an issue. He stays up to play on his computer, watch a movie, etc while I go back, read a chapter in a book, and go to bed. This is good for me because he keeps the cats out with him so I can fall asleep easily. Once in a while, I ask that he come back and go to bed with me, but this routine is something both of us can deal with. Besides, it’s waking up beside him that is the best part of my day!

Topic 2: Pets
We really are just learning as we go along how to deal with having our own pets (if you don’t know, we have two domestic shorthair cats named Peanut and Lou). Both of our families had cats as we were growing up, and when we moved to Germantown, I think Matt was still feeling guilty for asking me to move. So, when I asked if we could get a cat, he said sure. My friend Jenn’s cats had kittens and the rest is history. We couldn’t just get one cat- we’re gone at work a big portion of the day and it would have gotten lonely by itself. So we got a pair of brothers. We’ve now gotten into a rhythm of taking care of them. Matt cleans their litter boxes and I feed them. We both play with them and spoil them. However, we’ve decided that once we’re in a house and pretty settled, we want to get a dog as well- A big floppy one. Matt described a scene that I’d love to see. We come home after work and the dog is sitting on the couch with Lou and peanut batting at his ears. Then the dog does one of those “I’m content, but a little annoyed” doggie sighs. *LOL*

Topic 3: Holidays
This is truly a subjective topic. Matt and I lucked out with our families, as they are both really flexible when it comes to WHEN a holiday is celebrated (could be the week before, week after, etc), so we don’t have to worry about angering one side of the family or the other with our time spent with them. Also, there are certain holidays that are more celebrated with one family rather than the other. Matt’s side always has something planned for Thanksgiving. My family doesn’t really do a whole lot for that one, since its kind of a catch-up week in the world of academia. So, we usually do something with Matt’s family for that holiday. It becomes sticky in the instance of Christmas, however. Big holiday with –big(ish) families on both sides with plans that change from year to year. We try to keep the lines of communication open far enough in advance so that we know what is going on, and how much time we need to take off of work.

Topic 4: Hobbies
Not just “what do you collect” kind of hobbies. What kind of movies do you watch? Do you like to go to the theater? Do you want to take a class (for example, cooking) together? Do you go to the gym, or go for walk? Do you enjoy sports?
A typical easygoing weekend in this Thornton household (during football season) is as follows:
Friday night: maybe get dinner out after work. Come home, play with the kitties and watch a movie/play a board game. Depending on if we have friends over, we might go for a walk.
Saturday: leisurely get up (this means around 9 for me and after 10 for Matt). Have breakfast/brunch either at home or going out to eat. Have football on the TV. I will sit and craft (crochet, beading, scrapbooking, card-making) while he’s on his computer as well. Around noon, we’ll eat lunch and take one room to straighten up, unless a game is on that we both want to watch. Then we do spurts of cleaning during commercials, or at halftime. Dinner is usually a “fend for yourself” kind of thing with sandwiches and snacks.
Sunday: Possibly church for me either at 8 or 11. Football is on the TV. Pretty much a repeat of the previous day, but we make sure that we get the chores that we avoided from yesterday done on this day.

Topic 5: The dreaded chores
After a few months of living together, Matt and I realized that we don’t have the same definition of a couple of things. What entails a room being messy or clean is included. Let me preface this by saying that my mom tried her best to get me to be a clean and organized person. It has somewhat backfired. When Matt finally told me that we HAD to clean the apartment, I chose to clean the bathroom, dust the furniture, and organize my clutter. I DESPISE doing dishes (and folding socks), but don’t mind washing the windows or scrubbing a toilet.
The best piece of advice I could give about this topic: work with each other’s strengths (or at least what they don’t mind doing). Matt takes care of cleaning the kitchen. I try to stay up with cleaning the bathrooms and I’m supposed to keep up with Laundry. Both of us don’t enjoy laundry, but I figured that if he’s responsible for dishes, I should man-up and take responsibility for laundry. Needless to say, we get backed up at least once a month.
I didn’t include topics like faith, money, kids, morality, jobs, school, family issues, and goals because those are things that EVERYBODY tells you to talk about. These are the things that I learned about just going along.

mtthornton Jess

On all of these social network sites there are these quizzes for what people are doing, thinking, and what their favorites are.  I was always curious as to why there wasn’t a similar quiz for married couples because while couples are still individuals, there are still some things you can learn about them as a couple:

Do you sleep on the same side of the bed every night?
Yes, but we’ve switched recently.

Have you ever had a fight where one of you had to leave the house?
Nope.

How often do you say “I love you” to each other?
10+ Times/ day.

Do you wear each other’s clothes?
Jess has been known to wear some of my sweatshirts and sweaters.  I tend to wear her t-shirts once in a while.

What music do you have in common?
We listen to a lot of the same music all the time.

Do you share the same political views?
We agree on the severity of the problems, but we never agree on the solutions.

What are you doing right now?
Watching “Almost Famous” w/ Jess while I write this blog and work on straightening up the Living Room.

What was the last couple you had dinner with?
Lee and Rach

How often do you text each other?
About twice a day.

What is the latest that you’ve stayed up together?
Around 3:30am.

What’s your favorite dinner together?
Spaghetti

Where’s your favorite restaurant?
Ceritano’s in Blacksburg…Best.Pizza.Ever.

What was something that we did that was the “first time” for both of us?
We went to a baseball game together.  (We’re the National’s good luck charm.)

What’s something you both hate to do.
Laundry

What’s your average bedtime?
10 for Jess, 12am for me.

What’s your favorite movie when you just want something “on”?
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

mtthornton Jess, Matt

Apologies to those who read Matt’s message and thought he was being serious. It was an April Fools “joke”.  Its not that we think that adoption is a joke… its something that we’ve discussed and think is one of our options if it turns out that we can’t get pregnant (when we decide to start having kids).

So, just had to clear that up before anything else- one of the reasons this is kinda funny is because Matt and I have made it clear that we won’t be having kids in the immediate future. We’re really just getting used to being married, and to tell the truth, I like having him to myself for a while. Its selfish and stubborn, but hey- its honest.

Also, I’m not ready for kids. I want kids, I like kids, but I’m definitely not ready for them. I can’t even remember to do the laundry half of the time! What am I supposed to do with a child?

Don’t get me wrong; as Matt posted before, I get bitten by the baby bug plenty of times. I see a cute baby while we’re out sometime, or we’ll be walking through a store and see baby “stuff” and I make the obligatory “awww” noise. I think that we’ll be good parents, but not for another couple of years.

Here’s my “lesson learned” for this week:
To keep from getting too stressed, make each other laugh. This has been a stressful year in many ways, for a lot of people I know as well. In order to not explode from all the little things that can get to you, let it out in a laugh.
Matt makes me laugh at least twice a day (intentionally or unintentionally) and I can’t say how much that has helped with things. It also helps that I work with some people who have a very unique view on life. So, in all, laugh a little… its good for ya!

mtthornton Jess

Matt and I watched President Obama’s speech together this evening. This brought in to mind how different we are when it comes to politics.

I am a West Virginia Democrat in a lot of ways… I think that we shouldn’t spend more money than we have (unless we absolutely have to), education needs to be better funded, and people should be able to have their privacy. However, I also support government involvement in social programs right now. In an ideal society, we wouldn’t need to have our government to fund these needed programs (such as WIC and Food Stamps) because private organizations and faith based entities would take that responsibility. We live in an imperfect world. We have to have a solution that works with what we have.

All of that said, Matt and I differ on a lot of different things, including some of our politics. We’ve come to a point in our relationship where we can say: “I can see what you’re saying, hon, but you’re wrong”. This isn’t a derogatory statement at all, but rather saying that the other has a valid and sound point of view, but that we still disagree.

This is something that I see as very helpful and positive in out relationship. We can disagree without cutting the other one down. There’s a separation between thoughts/ideas and the person. We’re not a perfect couple, by any stretch of the imagination, but I think we’re on the right track with this one. 

mtthornton Jess

In reference to Matt’s previous blog, I wanted to ask whoever’s reading this: are you surprised that I acted that way?

It is no secret that I am an emotional person, and something that I hadn’t realized up to that point, I was STRESSED OUT. I had spent so much time in the previous month dealing with things related to the wedding, to work, and to a few other things, that I didn’t really take time to say “hmmm, I might want to slow down for a little while”.

Anyone who has ever planned an event (school-related, wedding, etc) knows how many details go in to planning. I am definitely not complaining about having to do it all myself, because I didn’t. Not only was Matt a HUGE help, he did most of the back and forth with the vendors and was very supportive in the other details. On top of that, we had help from both of our families and countless friends. So that wasn’t the cause of my mini-crying fit.

I read somewhere that there are countless traumatic events that a person can go through. The information that I read gave the top 20 general traumatic events (good or bad) and in less than 6 months, I had experienced 4 of the top ten. I had been going along just fine, at least I thought, until everything had come to a lull. At that point, I should have been fine, but I was triggered by another possible traumatic event, loosing Matt, even if it was in jest.

Wow, a lot of baggage to be putting in to one simple sentence, huh? I can now say that I probably over-reacted, especially after we had talked through things, but at the time, my seemingly well-balanced emotional load toppled over.

I felt awful right away, seeing as how Matt’s expression turned from joking to “Oh my God, please don’t do this. I don’t want you to leak anymore!” but if anyone else can empathize, once the waterworks are turned on, they don’t easily turn off.

What I took away from this episode was that I need to remember that Matt is not in my head (even though we think alike some of the time), and cannot know exactly my emotional load at any given time. It would have been easier if I would have identified that I was feeling a little stretched, but sometimes these things come on with no real warning. Plus, keeping a sense of humor if possible is a good idea.

Notice I didn’t say that I would stop annoying the crap out of him though… its in the job description! 

mtthornton Jess

I know people are probably tired of me saying “wow”, but its one of those sentiments that covers what I’m feeling right now. Matt and I went down to Blacksburg this past weekend and did the rounds… we finalized things with the reception hall person, the florist, the chapel, and the baker. I was also able to get to Beadsburg (one of my favorite bead stores EVER) while we were there.
We’ve moved in to the final “phase” of the planning process in that we’re now looking at details (ceremony program, reception agenda, etc) and we are taking it one step at a time. Hopefully that way, we won’t really miss anything huge.

Another aspect that we’re handling right now is taking care of our kitties while we’re gone. For those of you who don’t know, Matt and I have two domestic short hair cats named Peanut and Lou. We’ll be boarding them in Germantown while we’re gone, and while they’re there, they’ll be getting “fixed”. I don’t like the idea of them going through that and Matt and I not being there for them, but they’ll be watched after closely and they’ll be able to recover a little bit. I just hope they forgive us!
Please be on the lookout for emails from Matt and I in the next 12 days. We’ll be sending information, primarily about getting to and from things there in Blacksburg.

If you have any questions or concerns at this point, PLEASE email us, or leave a comment here.

Matt Jess

Only a few more weeks to go! The deadline for RSVPs are due whenever possible (sooner rather than later, preferably), and we’re starting to make final decisions.

Also, if there are some of you out there who haven’t had a chance to get a hotel room yet, but still want to come, we might have an option for you. Just give either Matt or I a call or send us off a quick email.

Thank you again to everyone for helping Matt and I get to this point with things. We really appreciate all of your help and encouragement. This has been one heck of a journey and we’re looking forward to continuing it with our friends and family.

Please let us know if you have any questions and I’ll be posting again soon.

Matt Jess

Just a quick entry to let people know that Matt and I have gotten our wedding bands this past weekend. They’re BEAUTIFUL!
I know that its a superficial thing, but it has made me so happy to be able to check that task off of our list.
I can’t wait to be able to wear it all of the time!

Now to my rant.
I ordered a long-line bra from a company online to wear under my wedding dress. I did about three evening’s worth of research and price comparing before making a decision. I ordered it earlier this month and then scheduled my first dress alteration appointment for this past Saturday (the 25th). I was provided a tracking number and order number from this particular company. They followed through on their end of things and the package was delivered to our local post office on OCTOBER 18TH.

I called the post office on Thursday ( the 23rd… a full five days after the tracking page said that the package had been delivered), and they didn’t have a package there for me) . After about three different phone calls, the consensus was that my package had been stolen, but that it HAD been delivered.

So what am I supposed to do now? I’ve contacted the company to see if they’ll take pity on me and resend the package (with signature required, I hope!), but I’m not really holding my breath. I’ve asked the postal worker who does our route to deliver ALL packages from here on in to the apartment office. There’s really nothing i CAN do, but sit and see what happens, I guess. Here’s my advice: ALWAYS send packages where a signature of some sort required!

By the way:  Matt has disabled comments on the “July Update” blog entry.  We were getting tons of spam on that one that he had to wade through each time he logged on.  If you have a comment on that blog entry, just post to one of the other blog entries.

Matt Jess

Welcome to those who haven’t been here yet and thank you to those who have been here (and have left comments!). 
Things are getting down to the wire at this point and I’m more than excited about it. I went and got a haircut this evening, since my last one was about 6-9 months ago (oops), and one of the things the stylist asked me was: “Are you nervous about your wedding day?” I simply replied “No”. 
I am excited, anxious, stressed a little (about all the plans), and even scared about forgetting something, but about the actual ceremony, I’m not afraid one bit. Matt and I have been together over two years at this point, and while I know this isn’t the longest relationship in the world, I think that we’re both ready at this point. I’m not going to make people “Puke Rainbows” (my sister’s expression, thanks Mary!) with how sappy I could get with things, but suffice it to say, I’m in love and my head and heart agree on it. 

Please take a minute to check out the pictures that Matt posted (in one of the navigation tabs). I think they’re pretty cute, but leave us a comment and let us know what you think! 
The first 5 were taken by Pete Taylor, one of my co-workers, and the second set of 5 were taken by Sarah Bilotti, who will be the photographer for the wedding. 

Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to see on the site, or if there’s a topic you’d like me to cover in the blog. My goal is to do a blog every week to week and a half from here on out. Let’s hope I can do that! 

Take care everyone and I look forward to hearing from you!

Matt Jess

Three months until the wedding. I don’t know about anyone else, but that seems like it’s a CRAZY figure!

I’m feeling a little bit of a lot of emotions: joy, anxiety, happiness, contentment, nervousness, etc.

What’s making me the most anxious is our laundry list of “to-do’s.

Here’s a sample of what I’m talking about:

- Do the cake deposit

- Do the flower deposit

- Decide on music and readings for the ceremony

- Get the dresses for the rest of the wedding party

- Decide on decorations for the ceremony

- Get the rest of the materials for the wedding favors

- Send out the invitations

- Dress alterations (falls solely on my shoulders J)

- Get shoes for the females

- Finalize catering menu

- Design (and get the priest’s approval) of the program/ print the program

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m not sure what it would be at this point.

I’m very excited that a friend of mine and Matt’s has agreed to play the violin at the wedding. I have often thought about that but thought it may be too expensive. Thank God for friends, right?

On the same token, Thank God for family! A lot of our family members have been helpful in different ways. Whether it’s been emotionally, financially, or even just as a distraction for a while, it’s greatly appreciated. What a great family to be a part of. I can’t even express how lucky we are to have such a great support net.

Three more months and my last name will change, but I truly think that this has helped me get closer with my side of the family as well.

Here’s a question to see if anyone is actually reading this: At a reception, is it better to have more time for people to socialize (amid light background music) or more time for dancing? Please let me know what you think!

Matt Jess