Why I Reacted That Way
In reference to Matt’s previous blog, I wanted to ask whoever’s reading this: are you surprised that I acted that way?
It is no secret that I am an emotional person, and something that I hadn’t realized up to that point, I was STRESSED OUT. I had spent so much time in the previous month dealing with things related to the wedding, to work, and to a few other things, that I didn’t really take time to say “hmmm, I might want to slow down for a little while”.
Anyone who has ever planned an event (school-related, wedding, etc) knows how many details go in to planning. I am definitely not complaining about having to do it all myself, because I didn’t. Not only was Matt a HUGE help, he did most of the back and forth with the vendors and was very supportive in the other details. On top of that, we had help from both of our families and countless friends. So that wasn’t the cause of my mini-crying fit.
I read somewhere that there are countless traumatic events that a person can go through. The information that I read gave the top 20 general traumatic events (good or bad) and in less than 6 months, I had experienced 4 of the top ten. I had been going along just fine, at least I thought, until everything had come to a lull. At that point, I should have been fine, but I was triggered by another possible traumatic event, loosing Matt, even if it was in jest.
Wow, a lot of baggage to be putting in to one simple sentence, huh? I can now say that I probably over-reacted, especially after we had talked through things, but at the time, my seemingly well-balanced emotional load toppled over.
I felt awful right away, seeing as how Matt’s expression turned from joking to “Oh my God, please don’t do this. I don’t want you to leak anymore!” but if anyone else can empathize, once the waterworks are turned on, they don’t easily turn off.
What I took away from this episode was that I need to remember that Matt is not in my head (even though we think alike some of the time), and cannot know exactly my emotional load at any given time. It would have been easier if I would have identified that I was feeling a little stretched, but sometimes these things come on with no real warning. Plus, keeping a sense of humor if possible is a good idea.
Notice I didn’t say that I would stop annoying the crap out of him though… its in the job description!
It’s called PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder. It’s not just something the soldiers experience - it comes in small doses too. You are very wise to be able to recognize it. Sometimes the trigger is totally unrelated to the stress - but, once you notice it, don’t just write it off.
Matt — this would be a great time to book her a massage at a beauty shop!
I think it’s great that the two of you take the time to talk things out!