marriage.matthewthornton.info

In reference to Matt’s previous blog, I wanted to ask whoever’s reading this: are you surprised that I acted that way?

It is no secret that I am an emotional person, and something that I hadn’t realized up to that point, I was STRESSED OUT. I had spent so much time in the previous month dealing with things related to the wedding, to work, and to a few other things, that I didn’t really take time to say “hmmm, I might want to slow down for a little while”.

Anyone who has ever planned an event (school-related, wedding, etc) knows how many details go in to planning. I am definitely not complaining about having to do it all myself, because I didn’t. Not only was Matt a HUGE help, he did most of the back and forth with the vendors and was very supportive in the other details. On top of that, we had help from both of our families and countless friends. So that wasn’t the cause of my mini-crying fit.

I read somewhere that there are countless traumatic events that a person can go through. The information that I read gave the top 20 general traumatic events (good or bad) and in less than 6 months, I had experienced 4 of the top ten. I had been going along just fine, at least I thought, until everything had come to a lull. At that point, I should have been fine, but I was triggered by another possible traumatic event, loosing Matt, even if it was in jest.

Wow, a lot of baggage to be putting in to one simple sentence, huh? I can now say that I probably over-reacted, especially after we had talked through things, but at the time, my seemingly well-balanced emotional load toppled over.

I felt awful right away, seeing as how Matt’s expression turned from joking to “Oh my God, please don’t do this. I don’t want you to leak anymore!” but if anyone else can empathize, once the waterworks are turned on, they don’t easily turn off.

What I took away from this episode was that I need to remember that Matt is not in my head (even though we think alike some of the time), and cannot know exactly my emotional load at any given time. It would have been easier if I would have identified that I was feeling a little stretched, but sometimes these things come on with no real warning. Plus, keeping a sense of humor if possible is a good idea.

Notice I didn’t say that I would stop annoying the crap out of him though… its in the job description! 

mtthornton Jess

As a preliminary post, I thought it’d be good to share a quick little story with an important lesson attached.  About a week ago, Jess and I were sitting on the couch watching TV and she began, well, doing what she could to annoy the crap out of me.  Not maliciously, just teasing.  When we were dating/engaged I would have a standard response to this type of irritation:  I would allow it to continue for about a minute or so after she knew I noticed that she was bugging me and then say, “Jess, I think we should start seeing other people.” –implying I wanted out.  This almost always resulted in a laugh, followed by her stopping whatever it was she was doing.  Being married, I couldn’t say this anymore, but I figured something similar would get a funny response.  I waited a minute and said: “You know, I think we’re still in the window to get this thing annulled.”  No laughing.  Eyes welling up with tears.  Me backpedaling so fast I’m now living in 1985.

At first I thought the moral of the story was that “Marriage is Serious Stuff” and that I should never ever joke about it but a week or so later, with us back into the hustle and bustle of life, I’ve kind of come to realize that, like with all things, you need to “pick your battles”.  If I had said something like that in the middle of this week as we were rushing and going back and forth to work, etc. it would have been laughed off or forgotten.  You have to learn to feel out your partner and get an idea of the type of mood he or she is in.

Matt Matt

Hey, everyone.  Jess and I are back from the honeymoon and the post-honeymoon hibernation.  Everything is fine and we hope everyone is enjoying the cold New Year.

Jess and I have decided to try to make this into a full-blown blog rather than a wedding site, informing people about our discoveries about married life.  The ups, the downs, etc.  We’ve developed a couple of rules that I think define the scope of the blog pretty well:

1. We both have to approve each blog that is posted.  There will be no passive aggressive bickering back and forth on the blog.  Why waste the time posting the blog when it’s so much easier to be passive aggressive in real life?
2. Families are off limits.  Unless it’s really funny and they deserve it.  Seriously, though, we will not be talking about family stuff unless it’s in very vague terms or, if it’s necessary to reveal identities, the person involved approves.  They are innocent bystanders in this little escapade.
3. Beyond that, anything else goes.  Anything from differences between being married and “just dating”, budgeting, to how we cope with being together all the time, to how we manage daily chores, and anything else that we can come up with.  Hopefully, our families will get something out of seeing how we’re living our life, etc. but we’re also trying to cast a wider net and get more people interested in the site, as well.

Matt Matt